nothing

here i am again with nothing to say but something made me come here.  it’s as if i have stuff bottled up i guess. i feel a little bottled up but don’t know what to say.  i have a million things i could complain about but that doesn’t seem appropriate. i mean, it would successfully get it all off my chest before bed but i would just feel ungrateful and like a loser for doing it.

the restaurant is running better than ever, at least from my perspective. maybe it’s the 13 years under our belt, or the longevity of great employees, or  maybe the managers have just gotten better at managing.  Maybe the whole thing just started to click, maybe my expectations went down a bit, maybe it’s just raw luck, maybe. i don’t really know.  it’s hard to put a finger on it.  to explain with words exactly why everything seems easier this year, better.

so this development has me spinning a bit, not so much wondering what to sink my teeth into but trying to understand time and how to enjoy the days getting to all of my ideas and goals. i have so many things to do. so many things to build.  if i stop to think about the things i want to build i get anxious of course.  what else is there in the face of so much mind visions? anxiety thats what.

i know, or at least i think i know, that i must get to the building of whirligigs.  tall funky ones, small simple ones. bright colored ones and bland brown and green ones. i don’t know exactly where i can put them all but something tells me i’ll find places for them in between and over there. maybe they can rise up skinny-like between this and that? maybe they can fill in that one spot, and be on top of that other thing? but that’s a long distance radar, practically a telescope to the future, a microscope to the far reaches of my inner mind. before that is so much more stained glass, and paintings, and glueing things to places.  before that is a fort at the repurpose project i started so long ago and never got back to.  before that is a trophy tower sculpture that practically keeps me up at night with excitement. trophies.  i want to build something with old trophies but i don’t exactly have the vision yet.  i’ve been thinking about it and trying to see it, and trying to build it in my mind but i know i need to get the materials together and start. what a day that will be.  it may come this fall on a cool morning when the weather is really shifting to fall.  the day will come when i load up some old concrete chunks in my element, and pick up a few bags of quickrete from lowe’s and then pick up a box or two of trophies.  i’ll mix the cement, i’ll lay down some concrete chunks, i’ll cement in a trophy and then repeat it all.  i’ll likely think of other things to stick into the cement and look for something that is repetitive, very available, not much useful anymore, and goes good with trophies. writing about it makes me want to start tomorrow but i can’t.  i have an agenda here.  an agenda i tell you.

it’s been years since i’ve had tattoo work done on my arms.  i only have tattoos on my arms but i have 3 on each arm. i started when i was about 20. and then every few years i add just a little bit.  a line here and there, a few lines, the designs get bigger and weirder. but this has been a long spell without thinking about them much. maybe 4 years. tomorrow i am going in for some new lines. some new colors too. i’ll get a little done to 4 of them if it goes like i hope. i like tattoos and i don’t.  i would not recommend them to a 20 year old because we change so much over our lives and the tattoos just get dull or fuzzy. in some ways i wonder how they came to look like they do and other times they seem like they were just meant to be there exactly as they are, flaws and all. anyway, tomorrow is one of those tattoo days. fun. it’s sort of a marking of time for me for sure. the marking of a passage between this and that. a skinny tall whirligig that sticks up between the bushes of my days.

oh gosh it’s 11:37 already.  time.  i wrestle it every ding dong day.  i wish for more. i race it. i stay up too late and get up too early.  i act like tomorrow is my last day on earth and i’ve got to finish my list.  i am going to try and catch up for all the sleep i didn’t get last night. because i was finishing that stained glass in the studio, and then laying awake thinking about all the stuff i wanted to do today.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *