I had a couple days where I wasn’t feeling 100%. That’s a weird thing for me.
I usually feel pretty good and go full speed 100% of the time. So, I feel 100% and go at 100% speed about 100% of the time…. except for the exceptions. When I felt a bit sluggish Monday and Tuesday I was worried I would feel like that forever. I go along feeling so good all of the time and then if I feel even a little bit less than awesome I get a bit stressed and worried.
But that feeling was gone by Tuesday night as C and I went to the local brewery and had a beer and looked at the art show. I was starting to feel back to normal then. It’s as if I had gone from a steady 100% to 85% for Monday and then 80% Tuesday morning. But then by Tuesday night I was gaining, up to 90%… 93% even.
Then back to normal. But man, that was weird, feeling tired. Uninspired. Lethargic even at times.
I am in a place tonight where I like the podcast regimen. I like putting out a podcast right now because I made this one earlier in the week and it was easier than most to stitch together. I put it together rather easily on Sunday and Monday and even looked forward to releasing it Thursday night. It’s nothing special but it’s enough. It’s enough because I feel good about having this strange form of expression that once terrified me (my voice, my stories) and now feel like there’s a place for my bit on the whole. I belong as much as the next guy. I don’t expect audience or fame but I think that my two cents is part of the dollar bill. My tales and gripes and observations are good enough to make into an audio journal. They are good enough because they are honest and true stories. Shannon Cason teaches me that being honest and true is good enough. The story doesn’t have to break convention or make you cry. Just be real. Shannon would say that. He’s a storyteller I admire. I love the simple nature of his stories, his true everyday voice, and the music he pumps in is always good. Shannon Cason’s Homemade Stories.
I’m cranking on the stained glass these days. Working many hours per day in the studio. Finishing and installing one and starting the next the same day usually. I have not been working on collage and painting much lately. I want to. I think about it. But I just dive back into the stained glass project.
I am maturing as a restaurant owner. Maturing because I am learning to live with the inevitable mistakes that come, breathe through and accept the times when we are busier than we can manage. I am holding my tongue more through the stressful times and accepting the failures as par. Failures are par no matter how much I wish they weren’t. Who goes to golf and expect 18 holes in one? No, there is a par. We have pars also in ordering. The par is 25 bags of flour a week. It wouldn’t be realistic for me to think we could get through the week on 15. Same goes for the very occasional mistake or disgruntled customer. If I can let it go, even just a little bit, then I may live longer, see my kids another day, and kiss my wife a few more times. If I let it drive me crazy every time then we know where that behavior leads.
But the same could be said for my diet and exercise. I know what helps and what corrupts. I know jogging is good and white sugar is bad. I know that I eat too much cheese and bread.
But knowing is part of the first phase. I was joking with myself today while trying to jog. I am trying to fancy myself as a jogger even though I still can’t get myself to jog more than 20 minutes a day, even after jogging for more than 3 weeks. I was saying to myself, “I need to enter the calorie reduction phase.” I don’t know why that was so funny to me but I kept thinking if someone asked if I was still jogging and someone might wonder why I wasn’t losing any weight or looking more fit…. I would reply, “Well, I need to enter the calorie reduction phase of my operation.” I dread the calorie reduction phase as much if not more than the jogging 20 minutes a day phase but if I jog 20 minutes and then drink a couple extra beers and eat ice cream, well…… you can see my dilemma.
I am NOT determined to get healthy and slim. That could be a big part of my problem. But, I am going to try and embrace more exercise. That is surely something I should do. And I promise to “think about” what it would take to get healthy and under 250 pounds. I will think about it.
I am a pretty happy guy. I like to think my happiness will make up for some of my unhealthiness. I like to think that health is all in our minds. But I know science says other stuff.
Whatever. I slept better last night than I have in a loooooong while. I wake up every morning at 5. Sometimes 5:20. I get out of bed at 6, 6:30, or 6:45. Today I slept until my wife’s alarm went of at 7. I woke from the middle of a long and complicated dream. In the dream I could only access my home by going through a series of my neighbors homes. The neighbors had big houses and lots of guests. I worked my way from house to house thinking I was closer to my own home than I was. When I finally reached my own house I was under it and had to climb up a 2×4 structure, to try and access my front porch. My house was floating. I was curious as to why it was so hard to get through the many boards and climb through to the porch and my wife said “You just built all that stuff last week!” insinuating it was my own fault I couldn’t climb through the last bit more easily.
That’s when the alarm went off and I laid there with my eyes closed for 10 minutes reliving the neighbors yards, houses and parties from my vivid and fresh strange dream. My wife was up and out of the room in a flash which seemed so weird to me. When is the last time I was the only one in bed? She is always so early to bed and so late to rise.